And the Reality Sets in...

This morning I called my host mother in Argentina.

Her name is Señora Sanchez and she is awesome. She started speaking English perfectly to me and reassuring me that I am going to have a great time. She said that she is used to having students live in her house, that she would show me where to get good sales, and that we live in a safe and fun neighborhood. Just the reassurance I needed, as this aventura comes closer and closer.

I'm not sure how I feel about the English-speaking, I wish that I would be forced to speak even with her ONLY Spanish, but I'm sure that when I'm struggling and on the brink of tears because I just can't conjugate another verb, it will be very helpful.

Here we go!

Los Angeles Realization

I HATE driving.

I have had my license about 6 months, and 4 of those months were spent in New York, where I used a very organized and reliable public transport system. Los Angeles does not have one of these, unfortunately.

Last Friday I drove to Santa Monica on the freeways to have a beach bike ride with Amanda and Jordan, which was the longest distance I've ever driven and only the 4th time I've been on the freeways. (Pictures from the pier to follow!) To say this experience was traumatic would be an understatement. The way there was fine since we were excited to have actually found the beach and the sun was still up. The way home was dark and busy and filled with angry drivers, swerving cars (mine included) and neglected blinker lights (my biggest driving pet-peeve!)

I realized that while I was driving I felt like a pre-programed robot who's only task was to push a pedal whenever the car in front of me flashed its blinker lights. While Amanda and Jordan were both napping, I felt alone and as if my name had been switched for a number--all individuality lost, just a robot maneuvering machinery in accordance with rules someone else created and that I have no control over.

How can I move permanently back to a city where this feeling and experience is part of the daily routine? I found myself fervently missing the subway, since that experience is a group effort, something the people of New York do together--nothing like the rote process of driving. When I think or discuss this dilemma with others, I always remember the quote from the movie Crash that won the Oscar for Best Film a couple years back. It was specifically talking about Los Angeles in comparison to other cities with more condensed organizations and efficient public transportation. The movie said something like since Angelinos don't have a city where human connection and interaction is constant, but instead an impersonal, lonely practice of driving, they or we want to crash into each other in more volatile and, according to the film, violent means.

I hope I can make peace with this city, because no matter where I adventure to, it's home!

Loss = Love

Yesterday after work at Abuelita's, my brother and I went to a Chinese Restaurant to see my mom and Auntie Cristina with 5 of their first cousins. Here is the picture of the 7 Mexican women that completely dominated the Chinese Restaurant last night.

Two of the cousins or primas live in Guadalajara, Mexico and came because my great-aunt Maria Lupe hasn't been doing well in the past couple of weeks. Maria Lupe is my late grandpa's older sister and she is almost 93 years old. This little reunion was so special, because it hasn't happened for a while, and it was meaningful since almost everyone at this table has lost one parent in the last 10 years and now had this in common.

My grandpa died 11 months ago today at 83 years old. Exactly a month from today will be his "death day" celebration and that idea is completely overwhelming. I feel him with me and in the other room when I'm taking care of my grandma, and everytime I see his chain around my neck. I always say that I wish people talked about death more because I felt somewhat alone when I was mourning in New York. I'm starting to realize why people don't though, it stings so terribly and makes us think about our own mortality, which can be scary.

Amanda my best friend since Kindergarten is leaving for Boston in two days, which means that I won't see her for 6 months, until after Argentina. I have had to say many goodbyes in 2009, some more permanent than others, nevertheless they have become much harder for me to get through. All the adventures I have had and been blessed with come with a cost since I am always away from people that I love--whether its my family and childhood friends, or my New York family.

I was happy to see my mom reuniting with her cousins because even though our lives have all recently had the pain of loss, they all stay in touch, which I think is most important! So even though I always miss people, it reminds me that I have loved people, and they have loved me, and still do, so in the end its worth it!

January Happenings

Wow the first days of 2010 went by so quickly! I spent New Years Eve, first with my family, then with my friend Amanda and some of her high school friends that now are also my friends! It was full of boggle, toasting to 2009 and dancing! We had a great time (see below!)

Since then, I have been working 35-40 hours a week at my godfather's Law Office and at

Its been great to stay busy and work a lot, but I've missed my carefree days of hanging out with friends and my grandma. Its a good lesson in organizing time!

One day at Abuelita's, a woman from a popular TV show called and commissioned me to make these crocheted flower pens for the show! It was a really fun experience free-styling the patterns and changing colors for each flower. Everyone I showed loved them, so I will probably continue to make them for everyone I know. I finally turned them in today, so now I can work on my own project and an adorable teddy bear I'm making as a store sample!

I hope that everyone's 2010 has been great so far! I can't wait to start planning my going away/Valentine's Day craft party! (More to come on that topic!)